Is Everyone Gay?

The manner in which males interact is bound to be different depending upon the culture setting one is in; so why was I still shocked by what I saw?

In the United States when two men are holding hands while walking down the street, I don’t exactly need a big flashy sign or a rainbow flag that says gay on it to know that the two men are in a relationship. That is not the case for Istanbul, and probably the rest of Turkey. While walking on the streets with our program director Prof. Andaç, I couldn’t help but point out to her that the men were walking awfully close to one another and touching almost the entire time. Sometimes the men would walk holding hands, linked in arm, or with just a few fingers interlocked. She explained that, much different from the United States, men are less concerned about being viewed as gay or effeminate. She also explained that people in Turkey have fewer issues with personal space and hardly notice when they are extremely close to one another.

From that point on my ‘gaydar’ might as well of had a “check engine light” on it.

For men in Turkey, their friendship appears to be a very expressive relationship between one another. This is unlike the United States where men are hesitant to even hug, let alone hold hands in public. While at the airport I also noticed men kissing each other on the cheeks. I didn’t think much of it at the time since I knew the French greeted friends and family in the same manner. It also didn’t help that I had just had the most uncomfortable twelve hour plane ride of my life (do Turks know about AC?). What I didn’t realize then was that this expression of affection is unique in its own way for the Turks. It seems that kissing on the cheeks, holding hands, or touching the shoulder of a friend while walking; are all part of a greater social ritual in strengthening the bonds of their friendship. Turks seem to be unafraid of emotion and affection among each other.

All of that said, after being here three days and making new friends by the names of Mert and Bariş, I have noticed other ways in which males assert their masculinity. It is not through a show of sport or physical strength, though I am sure that still occurs, but rather in their hospitality and chivalry.

One night while drinking raki at a bar, I discovered all of this the hard way. In America we find it rude or annoying if someone does not pay their full share, so before the check even came we were all eager to pay. We asked how much the cost was including tip. Mert told us ten lira. When the check arrived the bill was much more expensive than anticipated. After Mert picked up the rest of the bill, I felt an immense amount of guilt for not contributing more. When I attempted to pay Mert five lira more, he was extremely assertive and his expression turned to anger. He told me, sternly, to put my money back.

This was a side of the kind, gentile, and hospitable Turk I had not seen before. Immediately upon leaving the bar, Mert was himself again and for part of the walk home his arm was around my neck and we talked about the amazing city of Istanbul.

What I thought to be polite was actually an insult to Mert and Bariş’ masculinity. Men in Turkey take great pride in their hospitality and to not accept it in full is a grave mistake. Next time though, we know to wait for the check. Even if it does take a few hours.